Splitting in borderline personality disorder: causes, effects and support

What is splitting in borderline personality disorder (BPD)?

‘Splitting’ is common symptom for people with mental health issues like borderline personality disorder (BPD). Splitting means to divide something. It causes a person to view everything and everyone in black and white, ‘absolute’ terms. It stops them from being able to recognise or accept paradoxical qualities in someone or something and doesn’t allow for any ‘grey areas’ in their thinking. Splitting is a defence mechanism deployed by people with BPD and other personality disorders. Its development can be linked to experiences of early life traumas, such as abuse and abandonment.

Seeing and responding to the world in these extremes, through either a filter of positivity or negativity, can leave a person with BPD exhausted and emotionally drained. It can also lead to strains or fractures in their relationships as those close to the person become more and more affected by their behaviour. It's a commonly used defence mechanism that is done subconsciously in an attempt to protect against intense negative feelings such as loneliness, abandonment and isolation.

What causes splitting?

A split might often be caused by an event that triggers the extreme binary emotions that characterise BPD. Sometimes, these events might seem harmless or small to people without BPD, but they may in some way relate to previous trauma. This event might spark fears of abandonment, separation or severe anxiety.

The root cause is linked to how we develop as a child. When a baby enters the world, they experience the things within it as either good or bad, or as all or nothing. As the baby develops psychologically, they begin to understand that the world isn’t just good or bad. They become able to integrate the idea that good and bad can be held in the same object.

People with borderline personality disorder often experience overwhelming emotions and struggle to integrate the concept that good and bad can co-exist in another person. Splitting is a psychological mechanism which allows the person to tolerate difficult and overwhelming emotions by seeing someone as either good or bad, idealised or devalued. This makes it easier to manage the emotions that they are feeling, which on the surface seem to be contradictory.

The effects of splitting

Examples of splitting

A person with borderline personality disorder may use splitting in the following ways:

• People will be seen as ‘perfect’ or ‘evil’
• Something will ‘always’ or ‘never’ go right
• Someone will ‘always’ or ‘never’ be loving

A person may hold onto these black and white views permanently. For others, their opposing views can fluctuate over time, where they switch from seeing someone or something as entirely good to entirely bad, or vice versa.

Symptoms of splitting

A common symptom of BPD is emotional dysregulation – this is where a person is less able to manage their emotional responses than individuals who don’t struggle with a personality disorder. Therefore, when a person with the disorder splits and perceives something or someone to be entirely good or bad, they are likely to respond in a way that falls outside what would be expected. These extreme emotions can be exhausting, both to the person with BPD and those who are closest to them.

When seeing someone or something as entirely good, this can leave the person with BPD vulnerable to harm and danger as they are unable to see associated risks. Also, when believing a person is completely perfect, this can also lead to co-dependency, where they rely on that individual for all their wants and needs. This can be harmful to both parties, and a draining responsibility.

When a real or perceived slight is then experienced by the person with borderline personality disorder, this can cause them to feel disappointed, betrayed, unloved or abandoned, and view the other party as entirely bad. The individual may then become angry, or withdraw entirely. They may also become incredibly angry with themselves. There are techniques to manage anger during this time.

Care and management of BPD splitting

If you are close to a person with borderline personality disorder, there are a number of ways to support them so that they are able to better manage their splitting behaviour. These include the following:

• Remember that splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder - while it can be difficult not to take their words and actions personally, remember that the person is not intentionally trying to hurt you. Splitting is something that they are doing unknowingly
• Think about how you respond to the person who is splitting - try to remain calm and if you find this difficult, give yourself an opportunity to cool down by postponing the conversation
• Show the person that you really do care - a person with BPD is likely to be dealing with feelings of abandonment, isolation and loneliness. Therefore, try to show the person that they are cared for and that they are heard
• Set healthy boundaries to help manage behaviours – work with the person with BPD to set limits so that they understand the behaviours that you won’t tolerate, such as throwing objects or violence. While these boundaries may be unintentionally challenged at times, make sure that you carry out the pre-determined consequence, which may include walking away from the situation

It is also important for you to encourage the person to receive the right treatment, and be an advocate of it when they do so.

BPD treatment

BPD is a very personal issue, so treatment is geared towards lessening the negative impact it might be having on your life. After you've received a diagnosis for BPD, you might undergo a course of talking therapy and take on a prescription of appropriate medication to help with the ongoing management of the symptoms.

A core therapy type that's developed specifically for BPD is dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). DBT comes from the idea that two different beliefs or thoughts, that seem to be the opposite of each other, can both be simultaneously true. In DBT, these opposing ideas are acceptance (accepting yourself) and change (changing your behaviour). Over time, you will work out alternative and healthier ways of dealing with extreme emotions, helping to cultivate a worldview that is less self-destructive to you and those around you.