What is ADHD masking? The exhausting reality of ‘fitting in’
Are you exhausted by the "performance" of being normal? Learn the hidden signs of ADHD masking, why it leads to burnout, and how to start unmasking safely.
Masking is a term that describes how people suppress or adapt their natural traits around other people. This can happen consciously or subconsciously, often as a way to fit in, avoid criticism or meet expectations at school, work or in social situation.
Masking is common in those who are Neurodiverse, those with autism or attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD).
In this article, we’re focusing on what ADHD masking can look like, why it happens, and how it can affect someone’s wellbeing over time.
Common signs you might be masking your ADHD traits
Masking affects social interactions, how you behave physically, your thoughts and how you process information.
Here are some examples of common ways that people with ADHD mask:
Why do we mask?
People with ADHD may experience judgement from others over their unmasked behaviours. They may be corrected or labelled as lazy, too much or not trying hard enough.
If you mask, it’s often because you’ve learned to adapt to a neurotypical world, in situations where your ADHD traits haven’t always been recognised, understood or accepted. Masking can be a way to feel safer, avoid criticism or get through the day.
As a survival strategy, masking helps us feel a sense of safety and belonging. It can be a way to avoid rejection and to cover up emotional dysregulation.
Masking isn’t always a conscious choice. Many people with ADHD may not realise they’re doing it, especially if they’ve spent years adapting their behaviour to get through everyday situations.
Why ADHD masking often goes unnoticed
Once we’ve been masking for some time, we can get used to the positive reactions we get from people around us. Being organised, quiet or easy to be around are behaviours that are often praised. This encourages us to do it more.
Masking can also look like competence or high performance and these traits are often helpful in the workplace, even if it can contribute to burnout. Also, women with ADHD may be more likely to mask than men, often because their symptoms are more internalised or because they feel greater pressure to appear calm and organised.
Others may only ever see our masked, functional selves, never knowing how much effort is required to mask. For the person masking, it can be extremely tiring and difficult.
When masking becomes too much: the burnout cycle
Masking takes a huge amount of energy. Think of it like the battery on a phone. Masking is like having multiple apps running in the background, causing the battery to drain rapidly. It’s often the underlying explanation for the misconception of laziness.
There’s a limit to how long you can mask before you crash. For many people, this happens after work or school. You can hold it together in public but when you get home, you stop functioning.
The progression of masking to burnout might look like this:
- It works: masking is effective
- You do it more: you increase how much effort you put into masking
- Warning signs: this effort takes a toll - you notice some warning signs like irritability or sensory overload
- Burnout: if masking continues, you crash. You may feel emotionally drained, mentally exhausted and find everyday tasks much harder than usual
This table details what you might notice when masking compared with a state of burnout.
Moving toward ‘unmasking’ safely
The key to unmasking is slowing down. ADHD brains thrive on constant stimulation, leaning to a higher chance of burnout. Think about how you can guard against this by giving yourself a chance to focus on one thing at a time and don’t become overwhelmed.
Here are some things to consider when you’re moving towards unmasking:
- Who: think about the people you’d feel safe unmasking around. Speak to them about your desire to unmask and ask them to support you
- Where: if you feel most comfortable at home, begin there. If you’d like to unmask at work or school, speak to someone you trust who will know what accommodations may be possible
- How: begin by noticing what behaviours you’re masking. Try reducing some of the ways you over-compensate, allowing small moments of authenticity, like stimming or being more direct
How to support someone who is masking
If you’re supporting a friend, partner, family member or colleague who’s masking, making helpful adjustments is about adjusting the environment, not ‘fixing’ the person.