Coping when a family member lives with addiction: support and strategies

When someone you love is living with addiction, it can be extremely challenging for them but also for you. Feelings of worry, guilt, helplessness, anger and exhaustion are common, as well as struggling with isolation and shame. 

A recent poll from Taking Action Addiction suggests that 11% of people in the UK have experienced addiction to alcohol, drugs, medication or gambling at some point in their lives. This number rises to 47% when you factor in people who have either experienced addiction themselves or know someone who has. This equates to 23 million people in the UK.

In other words, many families go through this. Your feelings are valid, you’re not alone and help is available if you need it. 

While you can’t control your loved one’s choices, you can find ways to care for yourself and protect your wellbeing. This article will cover some of the ways to cope with the impact of a loved one’s addiction, including self-care, boundaries and seeking external support.

Understanding addiction

Addiction is a chronic illness that affects people’s brains as well as their behaviour. It’s not caused by a lack of willpower or moral weakness, although this is a common belief that can cause unnecessary guilt and blame.

Relapses are common and your loved one might be resistant to trying addiction treatments. Recognising these realities can be challenging and it might feel like giving up but it’s not. 

While it’s not possible to ‘fix’ or ‘control’ someone else’s addiction, it’s important to acknowledge how unpredictable and exhausting it can be for you. Refocusing your energy towards healthier, more sustainable ways of coping (like self-care) supports you to better support your loved one. 

Your emotional wellbeing matters

When you’re feeling guilty, angry, helpless, lonely or frustrated, remember that these are normal, common and understandable emotions. You’re doing the best you can in a really challenging situation. 

While your loved one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours are out of your control, you can focus on your own emotional wellbeing. This isn’t selfish. Your needs are just as important and caring for yourself actually puts you in a stronger position to support your loved one.

If you’re new to self-care, try taking small, practical and sustainable steps to protect your mental and emotional health. 

Small steps can make a big difference. You could try:

• Taking a short walk to clear your mind
• Reaching out to a friend or support group to talk
• Allowing yourself moments of rest without guilt
• Practising simple breathing or relaxation exercises
• Setting boundaries when you need to recharge

Practical ways to cope

Finding practical ways to cope with addiction can help you feel less helpless and more in control. They may also help you to stay connected to your loved one as you’re managing your own feelings better. 

Small, consistent actions can make a big difference over time, so consider trying some of the following ideas:

Educate yourself: Learning about addiction and recovery can help you better understand what your loved one is experiencing. The more informed you are, the more prepared you’ll feel to respond with compassion and understanding rather than fear, anger or frustration.

Set boundaries: Boundaries aren’t a punishment. Instead, they are a way to protect your wellbeing and create healthier patterns. Examples include:

• Choosing not to give your loved one money if it fuels harmful behaviour
• Limiting contact when their behaviour becomes abusive
• Saying ‘no’ to requests that enable their addiction

Boundaries can feel difficult at first but try to see them as a form of care, both for you and your loved one.

Focus on what you can control: You can’t control your loved one’s choices but you can control your own. This might mean deciding how you respond in tense moments, where you place your energy or how you spend your time. Redirecting your focus to what you can do reduces feelings of helplessness.

Build daily coping strategies: Caring for yourself doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Try small, grounding practices such as:

• Journaling your thoughts and emotions
• Taking regular walks or moving your body in ways that feel good
• Practising mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises
• Scheduling time with friends or supportive people in your life

Plan for difficult moments: Relapses, conflict or setbacks can and do happen. Having a plan in place can help you feel steadier. A plan might include:

• Having a trusted person to call when you need support
• Getting some space by going for a walk or stepping into another room
• Using calming techniques like slow breathing or grounding exercises

Preparation won’t prevent hard moments from happening but it makes life more manageable if they do.

When your loved one isn’t ready for help

Not everyone with addiction is ready to accept help, even when the impact on friends and family is significant. Being ready for treatment may take time and can’t be forced.

Treatment progress can be frustrating and painful. It’s common to progress in stages, with periods of relapse and denial.

While this happens, it’s a good idea to keep communication open without pushing or lecturing. Be clear about what behaviours you will and won’t accept. Maintaining healthy boundaries helps protect your own wellbeing as well as your loved one’s.

Remember that you can still seek professional advice and support for yourself, whether or not your loved one is engaging in treatment.

Building a support network

You don’t have to face this alone. Asking for help through support networks can ease feelings of isolation, give you fresh perspectives and help you feel more resilient. Talking to people who understand what you’re going through can make a huge difference.

Try meeting other families in similar situations through support groups, peer networks and even online forums. These offer a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others. Discovering that you’re not alone in this can be comforting and encouraging.

Your GP may be able to listen to your concerns, offer support and connect you with local services designed for families affected by addiction.

Working with a therapist can help improve communication, strengthen boundaries and give you space to process your own emotions. Counselling isn’t only for the person struggling with addiction - it can benefit the whole family.

National support organisations

The following organisations are dedicated to supporting families like yours:

FRANK: Offers free, confidential information and advice about drugs, their effects and the law. Their helpline (0300 123 6600) is open 24/7 and they also provide email and live chat support.

Adfam: A national charity supporting families affected by drugs, alcohol and gambling. They run peer support groups, offer resources for families and provide training for professionals.

Addiction Family Support (AFS): Provides a helpline (0300 888 3853) where families can access practical advice, emotional support and guidance on how to cope. They also offer online meetings and resources.

Families Anonymous: A fellowship of family members and friends who meet regularly to share experiences and support each another. Meetings (in-person and online) are based on a 12-step approach, offering structured and ongoing support.

SMART Recovery Family and Friends: Provides structured programmes and training tools to help families manage stress, improve communication and reduce enabling behaviours. Meetings are available online and in-person.

Release: Free, confidential advice on drug law, criminal justice and family support. They provide legal help as well as resources for those navigating complex issues around drugs and the law.

For more information and local services, you can also visit the NHS page for families of people who use drugs.

Private support options

Professional support is also available through private services such as Priory, if you feel ready to explore this.

Remember: asking for help is not a weakness. It’s a step towards protecting your wellbeing and building the resilience you need to keep supporting your loved one.