It has all led to me gaining an increasing amount of leave, and I am going on walks and ward trips. I am the healthiest physically and mentally that I have been in years, although sometimes things are still hard. I am now working towards coming off my section and hopefully being discharged in the coming months.
When I was first admitted to Priory, I had just spent 5 weeks in a general hospital and didn’t know how to feel about coming here. All I wanted was to be discharged home, but I knew that this wasn’t an option at that time due to my dangerously low weight and the strength of the grip my eating disorder had over me.
Initially, I really struggled to manage any food over the first couple of days, so my physical health quickly became unstable again. As a result, I was sent back to general hospital and had to be NG fed for the next 3 weeks. The electrolytes in my blood became all out of balance, putting me at risk of my heart stopping, therefore, I was sent to the intensive care unit (ICU) for 2 days.
Every day I asked to come back to Priory, because I knew it was the only way to transition to an oral diet and get rid of the NG tube that I hated more than anything. When I eventually came back, I was on bed rest due to my dangerously low weight, and I had to have two members of staff with me at all times, to prevent me from engaging in behaviours that could harm me. This included self-harm and over-exercise.
My eating disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) gave me the constant urge to move around and stand up, as I felt so guilty and anxious for being sat in bed all day. In the kitchen, I struggled with certain behaviours, such as hiding and smearing food, to try to have as few calories as I could get away with. I was haunted by the terrible fear of weight gain, and all I could think about was ways to try to avoid it.
However, I started to learn to manage my behaviours better, because I knew otherwise I would just be prolonging my admission. As a result, I gained more weight and then more freedom. I eventually moved to one-to-one observations, and up to a more independent table in the kitchen.
There have been several set-backs where I have been moved back to the highest level of support in the kitchen, but with the support of the team, I kept on trying my best, even when my head was screaming at me to just give up. I was encouraged to try antipsychotic medication and even though I don’t like being on it, I have learned to accept it and try to trust the team of professionals around me.
It has all led to me gaining an increasing amount of leave, and I am going on walks and ward trips. I am the healthiest physically and mentally that I have been in years, although sometimes things are still hard. I am now working towards coming off my section and hopefully being discharged in the coming months.