To colleagues, family and friends, Kelly looked like someone who had everything under control. She was progressing in her career and raising her son. On the surface, life appeared stable and successful.
But underneath, Kelly was carrying pressures that had been building for years.
“I was always striving for the next thing,” she says. “I tied my self-worth to what I achieved, how well I performed at work, what other people thought of me in work and as a mum. I didn’t realise how exhausting that was.”
In 2022, several major life changes happened at once.
Her long-term relationship ended, leaving her facing the emotional baggage of the breakup alongside the practical reality of managing a mortgage and family responsibilities on her own.
At the same time, she was aiming for promotion opportunities at work and had become convinced that her future depended on achieving the next promotion.
“I’d got myself into a state where everything was pinned on that outcome,” she says. “I genuinely believed that if I didn’t get promoted, I wouldn’t be able to cope financially. Looking back, I can see how much pressure I was putting on myself.”
At this point, everything unravelled, and her mental health reached crisis point.
“I reached a snapping point,” she says. “I had a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t work. I could barely get out of bed. I wasn’t taking care of myself properly. It felt like everything had collapsed.”
For months, this intense anxiety dominated her life.
“The only relief I could find was sleep,” she says. “Being awake physically hurt. I had this constant feeling of dread in my stomach.”
As a single parent, Kelly worked hard to shield her teenage son from the worst of what she was experiencing.
“I’d get him off to school in the morning and then go straight back to bed,” she says.
“I’d stay there for most of the day, then get up just before he came home and try to make everything look normal.”
What surprised her most was that many people around her had no idea how much she was struggling.
“People would say afterwards, ‘I never would have known,’” she says. “They didn’t see the anxiety. They didn’t see how little I thought of myself.”
Kelly sought support through her employer’s wellbeing programme before being referred for longer-term therapy through Priory.
Through therapy, Kelly began to understand that the roots of her struggles ran much deeper than the events that had triggered them.
“Work pressure, financial pressure and relationship problems all created a perfect storm,” she says. “But while those things brought everything to the surface, underneath it was a lack of self-worth that I’d carried for most of my life.”
Over more than two years of therapy, Kelly learned to challenge the beliefs she held about herself, set healthier boundaries and stop measuring her value through other people’s approval.
“One of the biggest things I learned was that my worth isn’t determined by my job, my relationship status or what anyone else thinks of me,” she says.
The process changed how she viewed herself and how she approached life.
“It changed everything,” she says. “How I think, how I behave, how I interact with people and what I’m willing to accept from others.”
Today, Kelly says she is in a much healthier place, although she recognises that maintaining good mental health is an ongoing process.
“I still have difficult days,” she says. “But now I have the tools to recognise what’s happening and respond differently.”
Reflecting on her experience, she believes there is still too much focus on supporting people once they reach crisis point, rather than helping them earlier.
“We talk a lot about physical health prevention,” she says. “We go for physical health check-ups and dental check-ups, but we don’t really do the same for mental health.”
“Deep down, I knew I wasn’t okay long before I asked for help,” she says.
Today, Kelly measures success differently.
“I haven’t yet had the promotion I thought I needed,” she says. “But if I had, I think it would have been dangerous for me as I would have done anything to prove myself. If I was promoted now, I would be able to cope much better and manage it on my terms, ensuring I respect my own needs, boundaries and maintain a healthy work/life balance.”
Nearly half of UK adults (47%) say they have felt “constantly” anxious, depressed or overwhelmed during the last 12 months. Priory - the UK’s largest independent provider of mental health, addiction and adult social care service - has launched a new campaign, Support to find your way, to raise awareness and guide people towards professional support in overwhelming times.
Visit findyourway for free self-care resources and more information.