Psychosexual therapy and couples therapy services in North London

Like many others seeking help with some aspect of sex, you may have assumed that your challenges are mainly physical. While biology often plays an important role in sexual health, lots of relationship and sexual issues are psychological. They can sometimes be caused by physical conditions or experiences, but psychosexual therapy will still be recommended for addressing and repairing your emotional and mental health.

Psychosexual therapy, in its simplest terms, helps people to overcome sexual problems. This service is aimed at individuals, with a separate specialist couples therapy service if you are seeking help in your relationship. Psychosexual therapy can help with the physical challenges around engaging in sex itself, which we would work through and refer for further support if needed. These include:

• Lack of sexual desire
• Difficulties with orgasms
• Pain during sex
• Erectile dysfunction
• Ejaculation problems

Psychosexual therapy can also address non-physical issues, such as:

• Sexual and gender identity
• Sexual orientation
• Sexual preferences
• Sexual behaviours
• Sexual trauma

We will first talk through whatever concerns you have, what has led you to seek therapy and what you hope to achieve at the end. We will discuss how psychosexual counselling can help you to work on the issues which are affecting your life and mental health. You can then talk through everything which concerns you in more detail at each session, potentially looking at past experiences which may have contributed to your current situation.

We will always take each session at a pace you are comfortable with, with all of our specialists trained in taking a sensitive and supportive approach at every stage of your psychosexual therapy. We want you to feel completely comfortable with the whole process, asking questions if you need to and having complete input along the way.

Whatever sexuality you identify as or current situation you are in, we can help. Our team is trained to work with couples and people in both monogamous and non-monogamous (poly-structured) relationships. Whether your relationship is same-sex or heterosexual, we can help you with whatever challenges you have in your sex life and relationship.

We offer help with differences in desire, affairs, communication issues or other potential conflict, helping relationships to either reach their full potential or reach an amicable end. Couples therapy after infidelity is common, with many partners finding it highly beneficial to air their anger in a neutral, constructive environment.

We provide an environment where both of you will be free to talk about your feelings towards your relationship. We will always be completely neutral, offering you impartial advice which will help you to understand each other’s feelings and reach a resolution. Each session will aim to progress a particular issue in some way, but you are free to discuss whatever you wish, revisiting anything discussed in previous sessions if this helps.

We focus on a variety of psychosexual areas in our programmes. Rest assured that whatever challenges you are facing, our experienced and highly-trained therapists will be able to help you overcome them.

Sexual trauma, abuse and violence

Childhood sexual abuse, intimate partner violence and sexual crime can have a severe impact on your sexual function and mental health. Whilst Sex Therapists do not offer trauma therapy they do help trauma survivors, when they are ready, reclaim their sex life, sexual pleasure and healthy sexual functioning. All of our sex and relationship therapists are either dual trained in other therapy modalities or are trauma aware and able to understand the impact and complex recovery from trauma experiences.

It is common to think that keeping quiet about traumatic sexual events will minimise its effects, or help you to pretend it didn’t happen. However, it is important to remember that talking to someone you trust is one of the most powerful ways you can get past your trauma. Confronting your thoughts and feelings, working through the event and its impact on you, may be painful but the long-term effects of keeping quiet will be much more damaging.

Sexual orientation and gender identity concerns

Many people struggle with certain areas of their sexual identity. Without challenging or coming to terms with your feelings around this, your mental health can suffer as negative feelings towards yourself can severely impact your self-esteem. The term sexual identity refers to our sense of self as a sexual being, comprising four different aspects:

• Biological sex – this refers to the sex you are assigned at birth, and is based on medical factors such as hormones, chromosomes and genitals.
• Gender identity – this is the gender you feel most comfortable with, as opposed to your biological / birth-assigned sex. For some people, the two do not align and this creates an internal identity conflict we call gender dysphoria.
• Social sex-role – this is commonly known as your gender role, referring to the fixed behaviours and attitudes traditionally associated with, and expected of, our biological sex. These are dictated by cultural norms and stereotypes, ranging from the way we speak and dress to how we conduct ourselves to others.
• Sexual orientation – this is your identity around the gender to which you are attracted, whether this is the opposite or same sex, more than one, or none.
  

Our sexual orientation and gender identity therapy takes place in a safe and non-judgemental space, where you can discuss and explore any questions around your sexual orientation or desires. You will be able to work through any judgements or concerns you have around your sexual identity.

Compulsive sexual behaviours

Sexual urges and desires are a normal part of life. But sometimes, excessive urges to have sex, or engage in sex-related behaviours, can jeopardise physical or emotional health. We use the terms compulsive sexual behaviour, out of control sexual behaviour (OCSB), or hypersexual disorder, to describe this. The most commonly-used term you will likely hear for this is sex addiction.

If you feel that you have no control over your sexual behaviour, or feel distressed by your sexual choices, you can receive support through psychosexual therapy.

Examples of compulsive sexual behaviours which may lead you to seek therapy can include:

• Experiencing constant sex-related thoughts, urges and fantasies
• Engaging in unsafe sex with numerous people, which could also be in public places or situations which endanger your health
• Being unable to stop yourself having sex with others
• Watching a lot of pornography so that it is regularly disrupting your day-to-day life

Fetishes, kink and paraphilia’s

There is nothing wrong with enjoying non-mainstream sex, as long as it is consensual and lawful. However, like many other people we treat, you may find that your unconventional sexual desires are causing you to experience psychological discomfort. You may be feeling shame and guilt about your sexual activity or feelings. ‘Kink-aware’ therapy is specifically designed to explore your feelings towards your own sexual preferences.

Kink-aware therapists are specially trained using the principles of the sex-positive movement, which embraces sex education around a healthy sex life. There is a distinct focus on prioritising your own pleasure, with your personal sexual tendencies encouraged without discrimination. Our experts have specific knowledge of the various taboos around non-mainstream sex, and the sexual territory you want to become more comfortable with.

Kink-aware therapy can be undertaken either on your own or with your partner. The aim is to normalise your feelings around sex and desire, helping you to accept them while outlining and confirming safe sex and consent.

First of all, remember that anything you tell us will remain completely confidential and you will always be seen by the same therapist for each course.

• Psychosexual therapy will typically take place weekly and an hour’s therapy would cost £148
• Couples therapy sessions typically last 90 minutes and cost £266 per session
• You may be able to access treatment via your private medical insurance. Those interested should call their provider to confirm eligibility
• We will use a variety of therapeutic techniques which will allow us to help you overcome your difficulties
• We will teach you the skills which will enable you to continue managing symptoms and challenges on your own, for long-term results

For both psychosexual and relationship therapy, you can either self-refer or be referred by your GP or consultant psychiatrist. You will be assessed and, if the service is deemed suitable for you, initially offered six sessions. These can then be extended if further therapy is needed.

As this is a specialist service, we can often help you to manage psychosexual dysfunction in short-term, focused therapy. Sometimes, however, there may be a need for longer-term therapy work, in which case our service can provide that further support.

If necessary, the service will refer you to an alternative specialist once your psychosexual issue has been treated. For example, with anxiety management linked to sexual function or performance, you may get a private referral back to your psychiatrist for prescription of medication. This could include PDE5 inhibitors or SSRIs, depending on your individual needs.