Emotional dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) means having feelings that escalate quickly, feel intense and are hard to manage. In both adults and children, outbursts or overwhelm often arrive seemingly out of nowhere, leaving them feeling ashamed or misunderstood.
In this article, we explore emotional dysregulation in ADHD, including why it happens and how it shows up in everyday life.
Understanding emotional dysregulation in ADHD
Emotional dysregulation is the experience of having difficulty managing the intensity, speed and duration of your emotional responses. For many people with ADHD, emotions can:
- Escalate very quickly
- Feel stronger than the situation seems to warrant
- Take longer to settle
- Feel hard to step back from once you’re upset, hurt or angry
Watch as Hannah Stebbings, Integrative Therapist at Priory Hospital Barnt Green, explains emotional regulation in ADHD, and offers three simple tips for remaining calm and in control.
It’s widely recognised in research and clinical practice as a very common feature of ADHD. Many people say this aspect of ADHD affects them just as much as the attentional or hyperactive symptoms.
There are neurological reasons behind this; it’s not a personality flaw. ADHD affects key areas of the brain involved in the following areas.
How emotional dysregulation shows up in daily life
Below are examples of how emotional dysregulation can show up in everyday life for both adults and children.
Examples in adults
Many adults with ADHD have learned to mask or push down their emotions to fit in, so their intensity isn’t always obvious on the outside. Even when someone appears in control, it can still feel chaotic, overwhelming or exhausting for them internally.
Examples in children
Children with ADHD aren’t being naughty, dramatic or deliberately difficult. Their brains are still developing the skills needed to regulate their emotions. Children don’t choose to act this way; these behaviours are often triggered when they’re tired, overstimulated or feeling misunderstood.
How to practise vagus nerve exercises
Vagus nerve exercises can help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, leading to reduced stress, improved digestion, better emotional regulation and overall wellbeing. This section will guide you through key exercises you can practise to stimulate your vagus nerve effectively.
Step-by-step instructions
Deep breathing
- Step 1: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position
- Step 2: Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen
- Step 3: Breathe in deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to rise as you fill your lungs with air
- Step 4: Slowly exhale through your mouth, letting your abdomen fall
- Step 5: Repeat this for 5 to 10 minutes, focusing on slow, deep breaths. A longer exhale than inhale will help activate the vagus nerve further
How it works: Deep breathing, otherwise known as diaphragmatic breathing, stimulates the vagus nerve by engaging the diaphragm, helping the body to enter a state of relaxation. The longer exhale triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps reduce heart rate and promote calmness.
Humming
- Step 1: Sit or stand comfortably with a relaxed posture
- Step 2: Take a deep breath in and begin to hum gently
- Step 3: Focus on the vibrations you feel in your throat and chest as you hum
- Step 4: Continue humming for 2 to 3 minutes, keeping the tone steady
How it works: The vibrations created when humming stimulate the vagus nerve, which helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system. This activation helps boost relaxation and reduce stress.
Laughing
- Step 1: Find a comfortable and relaxed space where you can laugh freely
- Step 2: Begin by thinking of something that makes you smile or laugh, or simply try laughing without a reason
- Step 3: Let yourself laugh out loud for 2 to 3 minutes. The more genuine and relaxed the laugh, the better
- Step 4: Focus on the sensations of laughter, feeling the vibrations in your chest and throat
How it works: Laughing naturally stimulates the vagus nerve, especially through deep belly laughter that engages the diaphragm, helping to enhance relaxation.
Cold exposure
- Step 1: Prepare a cold shower or fill a bowl with cold water
- Step 2: Step into the cold shower or splash cold water on your face for about 20 to 30 seconds
- Step 3: Focus on your breathing as you expose yourself to the cold water
- Step 4: After 20 to 30 seconds, or when you feel it’s enough, gradually exit the cold exposure, reflecting on how your body and mind are responding
How it works: This process activates the vagus nerve through the ‘diving reflex’, where the body responds to the cold by slowing the heart rate and promoting relaxation. This is useful for quickly reducing stress and anxiety.
Mindful movement
- Step 1: Find a peaceful location you feel comfortable in that allows you to move as you wish
- Step 2: Start with a few deep breaths, focusing on the air filling your lungs and your body relaxing with each exhale
- Step 3: Begin a slow, flowing movement like Tai Chi or gentle yoga stretches, focusing on the connection between your breath and each movement
- Step 4: Continue moving slowly and mindfully for about 5 to 10 minutes, keeping attention on your body and breath
How it works: Mindful movement helps to activate the vagus nerve by encouraging deep breathing and a calm, steady rhythm of movement. This process stimulates the body’s calming mechanisms.
Why emotional dysregulation happens in ADHD
ADHD affects several systems involved in how we process and respond to emotions. When these systems work differently, feelings can become more intense, faster and harder to control.
Executive functioning differences
Executive functions are the brain skills that help us plan, organise, manage impulses, start tasks, stop tasks and shift attention. Many people with ADHD find these processes harder.
When emotions rise, difficulties with these skills can make it harder to pause, think things through or access coping strategies. Instead of being able to take a moment to reflect, reactions can happen quickly and feel more intense.
Emotional inhibition and brakes
A lot of people with ADHD describe having weaker ‘emotional brakes’. This means emotions can escalate faster, feel more powerful, and be harder to interrupt once they’ve started.
Working memory and perspective
Working memory helps us hold helpful information in our minds, such as ‘this person cares about me’, ‘I’ve handled something similar before’, or ‘this is upsetting, but it’s not a disaster’.
When emotions spike, it can be hard to have that perspective. This might mean struggling to acknowledge that a situation is temporary, or that someone’s comment wasn’t meant personally.
Brain regions and communication
With ADHD, the parts of the brain involved in emotional reactions don’t always communicate as smoothly with the parts that calm, organise and regulate. This means messages between these systems can be slower or less efficient, leading to quicker emotional highs and slower emotional recovery.
Neurotransmitters (dopamine, norepinephrine)
ADHD is also linked to differences in certain brain chemicals, including dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals affect focus, motivation, reward, and how quickly the brain shifts attention. When they work differently, emotional experiences can feel more intense, changeable or harder to settle.
Common triggers for emotional overwhelm
Understanding your (or your child’s) triggers can make it easier to prepare and feel more in control when emotions start to build.
- Understanding emotional triggers can help you or your child feel more prepared and in control, even if difficult moments cannot always be avoided
- Sensory overload. Loud noises, bright lights, crowds, strong smells or uncomfortable clothing can quickly overwhelm the ADHD brain, leading to intense emotional reactions
- Sudden change and uncertainty. Disrupted routines or unexpected changes can be hard to adjust to, often triggering strong emotions in both adults and children
- Time pressure and rushing. Tight deadlines, running late or juggling tasks can heighten stress due to ADHD-related time blindness, making emotional regulation harder
- Fatigue, hunger and physical needs. Poor sleep, skipped meals or physical discomfort can reduce resilience and make emotions feel more intense
- Interpersonal triggers and perceived rejection. Feeling criticised, excluded or misunderstood can cause strong emotional pain, sometimes linked to RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)
- Cognitive overload. Multitasking, constant interruptions or too many demands at once can overwhelm the mind and increase emotional intensity
- Noticing patterns over time can help you plan, pace yourself and reduce overwhelm, even when strong emotions still arise.
By paying attention to these patterns over time, you can start to notice which situations are most likely to provoke strong emotions (without avoiding them).
How to manage emotional dysregulation in the moment
Small, simple steps can help reduce emotional intensity and give both adults and children a sense of control.
Pause and name what you’re feeling
Noticing and naming your emotions can create a gap between feeling and reaction, giving yourself some breathing space and creating self-acceptance. For adults, this might look like saying to yourself:
- “I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated right now.”
- “I feel really hurt by what just happened.”
For children, using simple words helps them recognise their emotions without judgement. Words such as ‘sad’, ‘angry’, ‘scared’ or ‘confused’ can be effective in helping them to understand their experience.
Visual tools, such as feelings charts, emotion scales or an emotion wheel, can make this easier to learn and remember for some children.
Use grounding or sensory techniques
Grounding practices help to bring your attention back to the present moment. It’s important to be able to connect with your body and senses, to help direct focus away from racing thoughts about emotions and situations. Simple strategies include:
- The 5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise - notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste
- Feeling your feet on the floor and taking a few steady, slow breaths
For children, sensory techniques might involve:
- Holding a favourite toy or fidget item
- Using a weighted blanket or cushion
- Squeezing a stress ball
Some people also find vagus nerve calming strategies helpful, such as long exhalations or gently splashing their face with cool water.
Create space before reacting
Creating a pause can prevent reactive behaviour and give you space to calm down. It can help to physically leave the space you’re in by stepping into another room, or communicate that you need a moment to yourself. You could try standing outside for some fresh air, or taking a short walk if you have time.
For children, you can support them by offering a quiet space or calm corner to take a breather, making it clear that they haven’t been sent there as a punishment.
Move your body to release energy
Strong emotions often come with a surge of physical energy. There are various ways you could try moving to help discharge this energy, reducing emotional intensity.
For adults, you could try:
- Stretching or shaking out your hands
- Going for a short walk
- Gentle star jumps
- Pressing your hands against a wall
For children, playful movements are effective. You can encourage:
- Jumping on the spot
- Stomping like a dinosaur
- Going for a bike ride together
Long-term strategies for emotional regulation
There’s no quick fix for emotional dysregulation, but over time, developing certain habits and skills can make intense emotions easier to manage.
- Develop emotional literacy. Learning to recognise, understand and name emotions can support more mindful responses. Adults might use journalling or simple rating scales, while children can practise labelling feelings with support from a trusted adult.
- Build predictable routines. Consistent daily patterns can reduce uncertainty and emotional overwhelm. Simple routines, visual reminders and gentle preparation for transitions help create stability without being rigid.
- Strengthen self-care foundations. Sleep, nutrition, hydration and gentle movement all support emotional regulation. Regular breaks, awareness of stimulants, and practices such as breathing exercises, meditation or yoga can also help.
- Use clear communication strategies. Naming emotions and using simple scripts can reduce misunderstanding and shame. Encouraging children to ask for help, take breaks, and repair after conflict supports healthy emotional development.
- Consider therapy approaches. Professional support such as CBT, DBT, ADHD coaching or parent training programmes can offer practical tools when emotional dysregulation is frequent or impacting daily life.
- Model calm. For parents around a child with ADHD, use a regulated tone of voice and a grounded body posture to project a sense of calm and control.